I have not been posting much stuff lately. I do not know why this is happening because there seems to be so much factors influencing this occurrence. So much so, that I cannot seem to point my finger on the main culprit. Well, whatever it is, I do not want to waste this little amount of time I have for such winding and taxing mystery.

So, what have I been to, the past week? Uhmmmm... Quite a lot actually. So many that I cannot seem to remember everything that I have done. Errggg! Such loser my memory have become these days! Haha!

Let's start with a bad thing first. I had an argument with a couple of security guards in one of the villages here in Paranaque. They did not want to let me pass through the gate of the village because the car I was driving did not have the appropriate sticker/gate pass. I had to argue that my Dad was the block commander of the area and we were still in the process of obtaining the sticker for such village. But still, they did not allow me to get in. So, I had to use some of my assertiveness skill on them. Thankfuly, I was able to coerce them to do so with a pledge of obtaining a sticker/gate pass as soon as possible. I guess, I looked credible enough for such promise. Haha!

Gawd! I do not understand why the traffic was like hell today. SLEX and the West Service road was overflowing with vehicles. I have been in many heavy traffic situations in the past but the circumstances in the street today were worse! I was trying to figure out the reason for such commotion but I cannot seem to find the most logical explanation for it. It was a good thing that the vehicle I was driving required the use of a single foot only. It was less tiring than the more common type of vehicles

Oh no! Sudden sleepiness attack! I guess this entry must be cut short. I shall continue this entry, after my trip to dreamland.

I hope I feel compelled to act upon such urge.

Fourth Year, Fourth Day

The fourth day of my last year as UP College of Nursing undergrad had just ended.

And at this early point, our batch, batch 2009 is already toxic as hell. Gawd! Our schedule is so jam packed! You see, we just have four days of lecture then we immediately go to our clinical duties.

Half of our batch even has a final exam on Monday already! I repeat, FINAL EXAM! With just about four days of lecture on Psychiatric Nursing, they already have to take the FINALS for it. Imagine cramming all those psych concepts in less than a week's time! Waaaaahhhh!!! So toxic!

I am just a bit fortunate that I am assigned to the section which will take the Critical Care Nursing part, first. This means that our section will take our Psychiatric Nursing on the second half of the semester.

Critical Care Nursing, is just a little-less toxic than Psychiatric Nursing because our finals for Critical Care will be after the 6 week clinical rotations. This means that we have more time to adjust with the toxicity of our senior college life!

I've intended to make a blog entry last tuesday, the first day of classes, but I got tied up with all the assignments that were given to us. Also, I had been quite busy with my NSC Finance Officer responsibilities so I had no choice but to postpone such plan.

We'll be having the first ever duty of our senior year on Monday. Our group, Group B, is assigned at the Post Anesthesia Care Unit of the Philippine General Hospital. This area will be the first of our Critical Care Nursing, Nursing 109.1, clinical rotations.

Good luck to Batch 2009! Go Group B! Go batchmates! We can do this!!! Wooooohhooooooo!!!!

I'm still stuck with the tagging game Fiona "tagged" unto me.

Sheet! I'm really having a hard time thinking about 10 word that starts with the letter R.

Waaaahhhh! How toxic this game is!

I still have not completely decided on the thing I shall do. So many things are popping out of my head lately. These things are about my impending tonsillectomy. *I have tonsillitis right now.*

Stuff like:

• When will I get operated upon? It should be done prior to the start of our mandatory summer classes. However, summer classes will already start on Friday! Waaaahhh!
  
• How about my recovery, the post-operative period? How long will it last? *I should recover fast because I'll have classes soon.*
  
• How will I eat? I do not like to have an NGT (Nasogastric Tube)! *I'm OA!* 
• How about the anesthesia? Will it not affect my memory? I do not want my noobish memory get worse. *I know that this thing has not been proven yet. However, it has not been disproved as well, so there is still a posibility of it occuring.* Waaaahhhh!!!
  

I need to weigh things very well. I must develop an Intra-operative NCP for myself. I must be organized and systematic in the things I shall do. *Yuck! Toxic!*

I got this from Monique who I think got it from Kenneth. This is a graduation speech by James Bernard Rodriguez (I do not know him personally but I give my kudos to him! Great job po!). I like the way it was written. Anyone can truly relate to it. I especially like the way how things turned out to be.

Ngayong araw na ito, sa ating pagtatapos, mayroon akong dalang Transcript of Records. Ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito ay nag-aral sa De La Salle University. Sa unibersidad na ito, kapag ikaw ay isang undergraduate, may ID number na nagsisimula sa 94 at pataas, kung lumipas ang isang buong schoolyear at umabot ka sa 15 units na bagsak, masisipa ka sa paaralan.

Ang transcript na hawak ko ay mayroong 27 units ng bagsak. Labindalawa sa mga ito ay tinamo ng estudyante sa iisang schoolyear lang. Ang isang subject ay kadalasang may bigat na 3 units. Kung iisiping mabuti, isang subject na bagsak na lang ay pwede na masipa ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito.

Ang speech na ito ay hindi ko ginawa para i-acknowledge ang paghihirap ng ating magulang sa pagpapaaral natin. Hindi ko din ito ginawa para maghayag ng political statement, o kumbinsihin kayo na huwag umalis sa bansa at tulungan itong maka-ahon. Ang speech na ito ay para sa mga normal na estudyante na kagaya ng may may-ari ng transcript na hawak ko, dahil madalas, wala talagang paki-alam ang unibersidad sa mga achievements nila. May mga awards na gaya ng Summa Cum Laude, Best Thesis Award at Leadership Award. Pero ni minsan, hindi pa ako nakakakita ng unibersidad na nagbigay ng "Hung on and managed to graduate despite nearly getting kicked out during his academic stay" award.

Maaaring isang malaking kagaguhan ang konseptong ito para sa karamihan. Bakit mo pararangalan ang isang estudyanteng bulakbol, bobo, tamad o iresponsable? Hindi ba dapat isuka ito ng unibersidad? Ito yung mga tipo ng estudyanteng walang ia-asenso sa buhay, hindi ba?

Ayun. Natumbok niyo.Iyun na nga ang dahilan.

Madalas, pag ang isang estudyante ay may pangit na marka sa paaralan, lalung-lalo na sa kolehiyo, nakakapanghina ito ng loob. Nandiyan yung tatamarin ka mag-aral, nandyan yung iisipin mo, "Ano pa kayang trabaho ang makukuha ko? Call center na naman o clerical? Ba't kasi ang bobo ko?! Kung matalino lang ako, sana, sa Procter and Gamble ako, o kung saang sikat na kumpanya."

Mas mahirap ang dinadaanan ng mga estudyanteng bumabagsak. Kahit na sabihin mong kasalanan nilang bumabagsak sila, hindi ninyo alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng ganun. Madaling sabihin na, "Kaya mo yan, mag-aral ka lang," pero alam ba natin talaga ang sinasabi natin?

Kapag ang isang estudyante ay bumabagsak sa unibersidad, nandiyan yung tatawanan niya lang yan. O di kaya naman, ipagmamalaki niya pang, "TAKE 5 NA KO!!!" o "Pare, magpi-PhD na ako sa Anmath3/Calculus/etc." Pero hindi alam ng mga isang Summa Cum Laude kung ano ang nasa isip ng isang normal na estudyante sa tuwing matutulog ito at alam niyang pag-gising niya, kailangan niya na naming ulitin ang isang subject na nakuha niya na sa susunod na term. Kahit kalian, hindi naging problema sa Star Student na sabihing, "Nay, bagsak ako." At hindi kailanman sumagi sa isip nila na, "Paano kaya kung sa walang-pangalang kumpanya lang ako makapagtrabaho?" Dahil sigurado sila sa kinabukasan nila.

Huwag na tayong maglokohan. Grades are everything. Kahit bali-baligtarin mo iyan, hindi magiging patas ang mga kumpanyang kumukuha ng fresh graduates para magtrabaho sa kanila. Minsan din naman, nadadaan sa palakasan, pero ganun pa din. Kung hindi ka academically good, wala kang patutunguhan. Kung hindi man yun, mas mahirap yung dadaanan mo para lang makaa-abot sa prestihiyosong posisyon.

Kaya ngayong graduation, ang speech na ito ay inaaalay ko para sa mga estudyanteng lumpagpak, muntik-muntikanan nang masipa o yung lahat ng paraang pwede, ginawa na para lang makatapos. Gagawin kong patas ang mundo para sa inyo kahit isang araw lang. Kahit ano pa ang sabihin ng ibang tao, kesyo kasalanan mo man na pangit ang marka mo o muntik ka nang makick-out, saludo ako sa hindi mo pagtigil sa pag-aaral. Saludo ako na may lakas ka ng loob na harapin pa rin ang mundo kahit alam mong hindi ito magiging patas sa iyo. Saludo ako na kahit pangit ang transcript mo, taas-noo ka pa rin ngayong graduation at proud na proud sa sarili mo.

Ano ngayon ang mangyayari sa mga graduates pagkatapos nitong graduation? Ayoko nang puntahan yung pwedeng mangyayari sa mga Cum Laude. Baduy. Alam mo naming may patutunguhan ang buhay nila e. Pero dun sa mga lumagpak, ano ang meron?

Maaring makakuha kayo ng mediocre na trabaho lang. Pwede ka rin swertehin, baka makapagtrabaho ka sa magandang kumpanya. Madami pang pwedeng mangyari. Huwag kayong mawalan ng pag-asa. Kung nung college, nagtiyaga kayo e ba t titigilan niyo yung pagti-tiyaga ngayon?

Pwede ring ganito: Mag-aral ka ulit. Ipakita mo sa kanila na kung sipagin ka lang, malayo ang mararating mo. Subukan mong patunayan sa kanila na kapag pinilit mo, kaya mo ring abutin yung naabot nila. Na hindi ka bobo, kundi tinamad ka lang.

Baka sabihin ninyo, drowing lang ako.

I've been on both sides. Naranasan ko na ring lumagpak, at muntikan na din akong masipa. Naranasan ko na na umulit ng 4 na beses sa iisang subject. Naranasan ko na na masumbatan ng magulang, kapatid at kung sino-sino pang propesor na walang pakialam sa pakiramdam ng estuyante. Naranasan ko nang hindi makatulog ng maraming gabi sa pagiisip kung paano ko na naman sasabihin sa magulang ko na may bagsak na naman ako. Kaya alam ko ang pakiramdam ninyo. Akin ang transcript na ito.

Pagkagraduate ko ng college, ano ang ginawa ko? Eto. Nagtrabaho muna ng konti, tapos aral ulit. Kuha ng Masteral sa kurso ko. Hindi para sa trabaho o kung ano man. Kundi para patunayan sa sarili ko na noong mga panahong bumabagsak ako, tinatamad lang ako.

This is a rebellion. I raise my middle finger to every professor, over-achiever, naysayer and detractor that told me that I can't make it. I raise my middle finger to every valedictory or graduation speech that only gratifies the university, those who were achievers in school or those who gratify the country when it's supposed to be the graduate's moment of glory. You are supposed to acknowledge EVERYONE. Even those who failed many times.

Kaya sa inyong mga graduates na medyo hindi maganda ang marka, para sa inyo ito. Kung kinaya ko ito, kaya niyo rin 'to. Imposibleng hindi.

Toxicity has always been a part of every UP College of Nursing student. It is like an integral thing that unites all of the people in such institution. Even the faculty of our college have loads of stuff to do. Since they are already few in relation to the relatively plenty UPCN students, it is quite understandable that they have got many things up their shoulders as well.

Toxicity unites all.
Toxictiy is love.
Toxicity is life.

Great!

Just great..

***************

It is our Group's "Free" week at the moment. We are indeed currently free from duty/clinical responsibilities, but we are still chained by the requirements we must conquer.

We have to finish our N199 research paper which is due on Monday! And we have not even started on the data processing yet! Yay for us!

Aside from N199, we have our N123 where we also need to produce written outputs! Such requirement is needed for next week as well! Double yay!

Go Community! Your are so heavenly! *Waw! It rhymes! Haha!*

Gawd! N181 still demands five more journal articles and a concept paper from us! Triple Yay!

It is just a good thing that this week, our group has no clinical duty. In this way, we can focus on other stuff we need to do aside from the mounds of clinical papers we have to submit each and every week from such duties!

I do not even know the meaning of "free time" anymore.

This thing I know though, toxicity readily comes free!

Dilemma is up about.
Too many tangles to iron out.

Faith shall decide fate.

*************

We had our data collection at the municipality of Pateros today for our N199 research paper about children's immunization. Because I loathe taking ordinary (no air-conditioning system) buses which travels through EDSA and SLEX *Read: Smoke=Death*, I opted to bring our family car.

Bringing it was not a big deal because I had brought it to Pateros before. Also, since this day was a weekend, not much vehicles were out in the metro jungle. So, it was relatively a less "dangerous" ordeal.

There was no problem whatsoever with my driving process.

BUT, if there was, I would have enjoyed free accommodations on a JAIL CELL.

It was not until I was about to go home from UP Manila (After doing data collection stuff in Pateros, we went straight to Manila because we had to meet with my other classmates for our other "responsibilities" *Read: Toxicity*) did I realize that I was driving illegally!

I did not have a license!

My driver's license was nowhere to be found among the rubbles of my oh so organized wallet! It was not there! As in! You see, I keep all my ID stuff including my license on the card slot of my wallet. However, since my wallet is so dilapidated already, there was a great chance that it fell off somewhere.

I was very nervous as I was driving home because if I get caught, I'd be dead! Waaahh!

Thank God! I was able maintain proper street decorum at that time. I was able to arrive home safely.

I am still a free man!

Waaahhh!!!

I failed to realize that I left my license in my room.

So noobish...

I thought I will have the time to do some good bloggin' today.

I was wrong.
Dead wrong.

Waaaahhh!!! This blog of mine is starting get rusty! Nooooo! This cannot happen! Noooo!!!

**************

My eyes are droopy and my knees are weak.

I want sleep!

I need sleep!!

I lust for sleep!!!

I am hungry for sleep!!!!

I am dying to sleep!!!!!

sleep...sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep......

I guess I have nothing new to blog about. Its more about the usual stuff that I have gotten my life into.

School is toxic... As usual...
I am a sleepy head... As usual...
I made papers... As usual...
I came late for duties... As usual...
I microsleeped in class... As usual...
I am procrastinating right now... As usual...

My life is indeed revolving on the same things. However, I cannot say my life is boring. Though it has become quite a routine, it never fails to give me new insights about things (read as a variable to anything random).

****************

You are not yet ready for that undertaking. You fail to see the vastness of the horizon.

****************

We went to R Papa(dua) this afternoon to throw a surprise birthday celebration for our groupmate Ron (Pa)Padua.

It was quite funny because I had to use my Maskara skills for such event. Together with my groupmates, Ayin, Jo, Ayra, Jeremy, Coy, Manessa, Diane and Iaii; we formulated an evil scheme to put the birthday boy into a tight situation. We devised a plan to ask (read: demand) group work stuff from him which we know he will not be able to produce. This lead to a major argument in which Ron was quite helpless with.

As you know, tirade of words is one my specialties. That is why I played the main antagonist on this set-up. Yey!

The scheme worked perfectly! It was very seamless! In fact, Ron had no idea what hit him until the big reveal of the real deal. Good job, guys! Very convincing!

It was very funny! Haha!

Belated Happy Birthday, Kuya Ron!!!

It was a very enjoying time at the pugad ng papel (read: Ayin's house) of Group A slash ALAB slash All-Stars slash Anlabo slash Ang Ingay slash Away slash Anggulo slash Antamad slash Ang Malas slash Ang galing! Yey!

I am really enjoying the company of my group! Go Group A!

It is really frustrating when you have so many ideas for a blog entry yet when you have the chance to put them into actual writing, you forget them.

This has happened to me for soooo many times already!

In my daily life, I always find something worth bloggin' about. But the idea always tend to slip away when I already have the chance to make them "actual" blog entries.

This might be the result of much battery my good ol' brain has to endure in its everyday functions as a UPCN student. The toxicity it must work with is like..... hmmmmm... (frightening thoughts)..... *shivers* Haha!

To remedy this thing, I should start writing down key word or key topics I want to blog about as soon as they pop out of my head.

I remember my Dad telling me this quote every time I had forgotten to do something he had ordered me to do: "The faintest ink lasts longer than the most brilliant mind."

I think I should follow my Dad's "broken record" advice to me... Hmmmm... I think it will be good for my brain cells too.... So.... Hmmmm...